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Postmortem: May 2022 emotional outage

(Never-finished) Evaluating the contributing factors both positive and negative, direct and indirect, that culminated in a depressive episode in late May 2022.


    (Unfinished NYE post) It's time for a New Year's summation sequence! Let's see what - and who - 2021 had to bring...

      Happy 2023!

      Thoughts on this year and friendship and romance and progress.

        Let me soothe my wounds

        TW: suicide, abuse, stalking mentions
        It's time to take a break.

          To be loved, to be loved

          What more could you ask for? (I still love About a Girl by The Academy Is...)

            No free lunchedNSFW

            Reflections on submission(/dominance) and its relationship with codependency.


              Thoughts about focusing on tasks, and escaping the magnetic pull of distraction by keeping track of the thoughts that would otherwise be left behind.

                Daily HelloTalk Blog Day 3

                My third regular Japanese blog on HelloTalk. Talking about contests on Leetcode and similar things.

                  Daily HelloTalk Blog Day 2

                  My second regular Japanese blog on HelloTalk. Talking about how to learn Japanese and what to do about Flashcards.

                    Daily HelloTalk Blog Day 1

                    My first regular Japanese blog on HelloTalk. Talking about interviewing and resume stuff.

                      On my father

                      A summary of my relationship with my father, to give background to those who haven't been part of this nightmarish scenario all along. CW: emotional abuse, narcissism.

                        Reflections on family

                        The letter to my family, which is as much a letter to myself to understand what I'm doing and why I'm doing it as it is one to my family to inform them of what's going on and to state my boundaries.

                          Marissa Gender FAQ

                          Frequently asked questions as given to family and friends who knew little of trans matters and wanted to know more about Mari's gender transition.

                            Advanced jobs

                            On empowering the Parts of Me, and in so doing, letting them merge into one, unified, True Me.


                              A summary of the problem I faced with Anki, in vore-and-maids format.

                                Bad Brain Time Survival Guide

                                How my brain glitches in bad situations, and how I'm working around it.

                                  On choosing the form of one's dopamine lever

                                  Let's get personal. And let's make it weird.
                                  Talking about considering SRS, and feelings on different kinds of genitals, among other things.

                                    Co-op partners

                                    Complaining about being single... player mode.

                                      Reflections on self-disgust

                                      (cw: discussion of self-directed transphobia)
                                      A follow-up to the Affection post from earlier this year. It's long!!

                                        Android Girl Adventures: Overly Urp-timizedNSFW

                                        How a funky JVM optimization resulted in our Android girl belching a bunch instead of telling us what was going on, and failing her self-test accordingly.


                                          Exploring my relationship to affection and love.

                                            Thoughts on Reyas

                                            Thinking about how my moods tend to cycle, and why.