The Long Goodbye

I can hear the sound of laughter and excitement through the door. The kid and her girl are happy together.

Good. Sounds like she doesn't need me anymore. My job here's done.

She hasn't needed me for a while, really. When I met her, she was a crying, pathetic lump. Desperate enough to reach out to a woman like me - a woman with scars where her heart should be, a woman who struck it off on her own because no one could fucking stand her. A broken woman. A vagabond not really looking for a home, just looking for a space where she could die and no one else would notice.

I guess we both were, back then.

But that kid... She gave a shit about me like no one ever has. Not in my life. Shrugged off my swearing and the times I took swings at her and took me in anyway. Bandaged up the old wounds. Made sure I had a home, was warm and comfortable. And more than that, she listened when I taught her. Pretty soon she was better with a bow than me. Making sure I was fed and watered.

I asked her why she cared so much once. She told me she didn't want to be lonely. And she didn't want me to have to be lonely either.

I mean, fuck. I had to pay her back somehow. I made it my life's mission to make sure that kid would never be lonely again. I wasn't exactly the most patient or the most cuddly, but I did what I could. Kept threats away from her. Made sure she wouldn't leave without me.

I'd never admit it to her, but half of that was because I'd come to find I didn't want to live without her anymore. Didn't want to be alone anymore.

And, y'know. With time, her confidence came up. She actually started wanting to live. She started bringing home companions from her outings. Only for a little while at first, then one of them moved in. Now she's found a mate. They're real happy together. And I'm happy for them.

I place a hand on the door to her room, smiling distantly as another peal of laughter erupts from inside. She's happy now. She doesn't need me anymore.

I turn around, making my way to the door. One last gift I can give her. Not having to worry about me anymore. Not having to watch my last moments.

I'm going to die. I know I am. Can't eat, can't sleep. Everything hurts. And I don't want her to see. I don't want to watch her cry.

I don't want her to see me cry.

The door's barely shut behind me when the kid throws it open, calls my name.

I look back at her. "Going on a hunt."

She just stares at me, shaking her head. "Come back. We were just talking about you," she says. "Don't go out there on your own."

"I took care of myself before you and I'll take care of myself now," I snap back, turning away from her and walking at a quick clip. "I don't need your help."

"Wait! Where are you going?" she calls from behind me. "We have plenty of food. Come on, just eat."

I don't bother turning around. "You need that. Don't waste it on me."

"Wait, please..." She grabs my wrist. "There's plenty. Eat all you like."

I wrench my hand free, glaring at her. "I'm going for a fresh kill."

"Where are you really going?" she asks, those piercing green eyes staring right through me.

"Somewhere you can't follow," I growl. "So go back and be with your mate. You worked so hard to be able to be with her. Don't waste the time."

"It's not wasting the time if it's with you," she shoots back insistently.

I don't really have an answer to that.

"Can I at least stay with you? One more night?" she asks, and there's tears in her eyes.

Okay. So all the lying and hiding, it was all for nothing. We're doing the waterworks anyway. I should have known she'd have figured it out. Nothing gets past this kid, huh?

I find a nice spot on a hill, sit down and stare off into the distance. She sits down next to me. "I'm real sick, kid."

"I know," she murmurs.

"There's nothing you can do about it, so don't waste your tears. It's the natural way. We eat, we die, and other things eat us."

"I hate the natural way," she spits, and her voice is uneven. "I hate that it's doing this to you. You were supposed to watch over me even into old age. It's not supposed to be like this."

I've always been bad with the big emotions she throws around like it's nothing. She knows that. And I was trying to avoid this. So I just stare away into the distance, try not to listen to her little sobs.

"At least let me be with you on the last day," she pleads. "At least let me make sure you don't suffer. That you aren't alone."

My eyes narrow, and I look away. "You don't want to see that."

"I don't. But I don't want even more to know that you're dying alone, in pain." She hugs her knees to her chest. "... The technique you taught me..."

My head snaps in her direction. Does she even know what she's saying? "I can't ask that of you."

"You're not. I'm offering." She holds out a hand toward me. "Please. You've done so much for me. Just let me do this one thing for you."

I look away.

"Tomorrow night," she says earnestly. "Just- just let me have one more day with you. Please."

"Fine," I say. She knows I can't turn her down. It's gonna mean even more waterworks tomorrow, but whatever. She's going to bother me until I let her, anyway. "I don't want you to have to do this, kid."

"I know," she whispers, and she holds me to her the way she always has. But this time, we both know it might be the last time. "But I don't want you to go. So I guess we're both not happy."

Yeah.

I guess so.

"Go see your mate," I say. "I know you were waiting for her. I'll be back with you tomorrow. It's a promise."

She nods.

She leaves, finally, and I stare off into the distance in silence. I will go back to her, you know. Give her one more happy day to remember.

And then...

I don't want to think about and then. For now, I'll just think about tomorrow.